How to NOT Overeat
How to not overeat
This morning I saw a title on a magazine that caught
my attention. The title read How to Not Overeat.
I was instantly flabbergasted at the idea of learning new,
groundbreaking ideas on how to not overeat. Naturally,
I had to read this article.
The little article (and I do mean little) was rather hard
to find. After a bit of flipping around I found it 5 pages
further than the contents said. But that was ok. I did
get to stop and smell some pretty ads along the way.
In a candy-coated pansy kind of way the article said...
Nothing. No adult over the age of 10 could possibly
learn anything new from this article. I will, however,
give the author some credit. He or she was savvy
enough to include a quote from a doctor and actually
remembered to type PHD beside the name. That really
did help put emphasis on nothing, I might add. It
bewildered me as to how this candy-ass style of
writing was deemed worthy of a title on the front cover.
Then again, it did get me to sniff those ads...
I'm not currently in the business of writing magazine articles.
My writing style could never live up to their ridiculously
high standards anyway. I have, however, decided to write
my own "Unsweetened" version of how to not overeat.
How To Not OverEat
By Chris Crowder
December 26, 2006 7:09.22 pm EST
During the holiday season many of us are faced with
more food than we normally eat: family get-togethers,
company outings, gifts of food, and even plates of
leftovers that follow us home. We are also faced with
many foods that we wouldn't normally eat, such as fruit
cake, boiled eggs, cookies, pies, and even meat. The vast
array of choices, compounded by the fact that everyone
wants you to eat some of every dish, can lead to some
serious overeating.
Overeating is a condition which causes... Well, to put it
nicely... Swelling... Yes, an unsightly bulge here, or
some extra flappiness of the arms, legs, and buttocks.
For some, this condition goes away on its own. For
others, it's a lifelong battle. You may have already heard
of this condition which is also known as... Dare I say it....
FAT! (I'm so outspoken today!)
It's a proven fact that FAT! (I said it again!) is caused
by overeating. If one consumes more calories than one burns
one gains weight. If one consumes less calories than one
burns one loses weight. Sounds simple enough... Right?
So.. Just how does one not overeat in the first place?
Excellent Question my Friend! How to not overeat is a very
delicate and complicated issue. It takes a real professional
with a real degree and license to make sense of it. I, however,
have learned the secret and by the grace of me hereby convey
this valuable information to thee.
A few years ago while chatting at work (on company time of course)
a wise man opened my mind and the light poured in.
He said, "My Boy... If you don't put it in your mouth, it can't
add to your weight". What Brilliance! Who would have ever
thought it? It really is that simple! Just because the serving
table is buckling under the load of 69 unique bird casseroles
doesn't mean we have to eat a heaping serving of each. Contrary
to popular belief, it really is Okay to say NO. Why is it that so
many adults preach about peer pressure, yet so few actually practice
what they preach? Remember... Just because your body is a temple doesn't
mean that it has to resemble one. Learn something from Nancy Reagan!
Just say NO!
Some of us weaklings will still find ourselves sitting in the
middle of the buffet table raking in the leftovers with a shovel.
Others will get the munchies at about 4:20 pm and devour an
entire gallon of chocolate ice cream. Do not despair, my friend...
there is still hope. You can always make plans to exercise tomorrow
to burn off those extra calories while you fill up another plate.
(Note! Always consult a physician before doing anything. It could
save your life.) Personally, I find it easier to not eat the gallon
of ice cream than it is to walk the 20.966 hours required to burn
it off. Remember the saying... Nothing feels as good as thin tastes!
Or something like that....
And now you, too, know the carefully guarded secret of how to avoid
overeating! Easy as pie! Isn't it?
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